If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
