Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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