I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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