hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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