is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
