I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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