worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i think my mom watched the whole time
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
