YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
