I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
