I can tuck mytits in my pants
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the day after is always just damage control
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
