i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
