I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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