Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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