I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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