I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
