I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
