Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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