Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
