so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
