I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Semen is not good for contacts.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
