So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
