I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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