i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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