eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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