Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
