I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
