so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
