So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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