a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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