Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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