i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
