I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
