maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
