How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
