don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
