looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So here I am, sexting at work.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
