I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
