You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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