explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
