oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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