I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
