I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
