yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
