i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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