apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
