Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
