sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
