Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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