You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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