when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
