Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
